A Mother's Thoughts

*Disclaimer*
Totally cheesy, philosophical, sappy stuff following, may cause uncontrollable gagging and possibly vomiting.

I've been reading this book "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids" and since Mother's Day is coming up I've been thinking about how it feels to be a mom. Really weird but totally normal at the same time :) The most surreal thing was when Darby told my mom "my mom gave me this." I mean, I'm really a mom! (imagine me sounding flabbergasted) Anyways, this book talks a lot about the expectations that moms put on themselves, the guilt they feel over, well, everything, and how to keep a good balance and be a happier mom. They posed the question to women, "are you happy?" and I thought the same thing to myself, "am I happy?" It seems like such a straight forward question but I couldn't really answer it with a simple yes or no. Yes, I am happy, I have a great husband, 2 wonderful kids, the love and support of a great family and from friends, good health . . .what more could a girl ask for? Somedays, nothing, but other days, oh man, what more couldn't I ask for? A housekeeper, a babysitter, a decorator, an organizer, a personal massage therapist, a stylist, or just a shower all by myself without having to put my foot against the curtain to stop prying hands from pulling it open and diving into the tub.

The book is pretty interesting and touches on points that I know logically but feel never-the-less. Like the expectations that I think everyone is placing on me but that I'm really placing on myself. The competition I feel with other moms and with kids and the judgement I hate feeling from other people but that I dole out myself at times. It's like every decision you make is monumental (breastfeed? cosleep? preschool? stay home?) What is it about being a mom that you feel totally responsible for everything your kid is or isn't? In the argument on Nature vs. Nuture, I like to say that the good things about Darby and Trevor are because of my superb parenting techniques and the bad things are the result of some faulty DNA (probably Erich's) :) What I'm learning especially as Darby gets older is that they are individuals that I really can't take much credit for. They do learn a lot from us and model our behavior, but who they are as people, their core, is all their own. We are just facilitators in their life, hopefully guiding them with love down the right path toward being happy, responsible adults.

I was reading People the other day, shocker, and Jennifer Garner said something in there about how it makes her love the things about herself more now that she sees them in her daughter. It got me thinking about the things that I hope Darby and Trevor get from me . . .and what I hope they won't. I hope they get my thick hair, my sense of humor (Erich's would be okay too), my ability and desire to learn, and my love to dance. I hope they don't get my hairy eyebrows, my dry hands and cracked feet, and all my anxieties and worries about piddly stuff. If they do get those things, I hope they have a good waxer, mani/pedicurist, and psychiatrist :)

Anyone puking yet? It's about to get worse :) These are just thoughts I've been having lately and thought I'd share, cause I know a lot of moms read this, including my mom. There's nothing like being a mom to make you love and appreciate your own mom that much more. I love you mom! and thank you for all your guidance and love, I hope my kids will be as lucky. And to Anna, Erich's mom, I love you too, for raising, guiding and loving a wonderful man (Erich. . . most of the time) but also for loving me as a daughter too. Sniff, sniff, alright, sorry about the sap. . .Anyways, hope all you moms realize how valuable you are as mothers, wives, daughters, and as individuals. Happy Mother's Day in a week!